Monday, April 15, 2013
Last night I had an amazing dream. It was a simple dream with a powerful message for me. In my dream I was in my room talking with Shawn when I heard our front door open and heard the kids home. I heard laughter & singing & I heard Lori. I told Shawn that Lori was at our house & we both knew she wasn't supposed to be there because she was gone. We left our room to find the kids and she was surrounded by all my kids & her son Jaden sitting on Jaden's bed. She was reading a book to them like she did countless times in the past. She saw me and said, "Hi Kels! How are you?", and I walked up to her and gave her a huge hug.
It was such a simple dream with a message that was so profound. What I felt in the dream was the light & love that radiated from her. The kids were all sitting next to her surrounding her as they sat on Jaden's bed and she was singing with them and laughing like she did countless times in the past. They all wanted to be around her in this dream. I woke up feeling an immediate need to be a better mom. To be the kind of mom my kids want to be around. To create the kind of home that is filled with so much love and laughter the kids can hardly wait to get home and don't want to leave. I know that this crazy busy time in my life won't last forever and once it'g gone I will miss it terribly. I am so grateful for this dream and the newfound perspective I need to treasure each and every moment.
Lori continues to shine her light on me & all these kids she loves so much. So grateful for her example. She left a huge void in our family when she left this life, but she continues to bless our lives in different ways, and sometimes much bigger ways than she could while here.
I love hearing from others and how Lori has blessed their lives. Many have dreams about her. It is so comforting to know she hasn't been forgotten.
Thanks Lori for being close, and teaching me how to be a better me. I love you.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Lori lived out in the country in Texas. It was beautiful where she lived. Acres & acres of pastures and gorgeous sunsets. One bad thing about living where she lived was the snakes. Lori would send me pictures of snakes she had to kill. I don't know how she did it. Some of the snakes were so big. She even had to shoot a crazy possum that was threatening to attack her dog Bentley that was recovering from a snake bite to the face. I think she shot at the possum 20+ times & she only hit his back left leg.....poor possum. Her stories were always very dramatic and I was always nervous going to her house. Always looking out for the snakes.
I worked the night shift on the telemetry unit and she worked the day shift. We were trading shifts and she gave me report, we hugged goodbye and I told her to be safe driving home. I got a call about 45 minutes later. She called and said, " you won't believe what just happened. I was getting out of my car and had my arms full. As I'm walking I hear the leaves rattling behind me, so I stopped and couldn't see anything . I kept walking and again hear the leaves rattling. I'm scared now and look back and see a huge snake right at my heels, the size of a python. I threw everything up in the air and started running and it was chasing me. I could hear all the leaves rattling in the background. I look back again when the front porch light helped me to see this snake and it was my scarf that was dragging on the ground behind me.". We both laughed so hard. All the nurses I told were dying and said that is so Lori.
I am so grateful for these stories that put a smile on my face & help ease my aching heart. I have the most beautiful sister. So thankful for her life then & now.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
It's hard to believe Lori has been gone for 6 weeks now. It has been such a difficult road we have been traveling with beautiful experiences along the way. I have one of Lori's journals where she wrote, "He will show us our weaknesses and help us turn them into strengths. He will show us our strengths so we can help others who are weak. He wants us to see ourselves the way he does. There is no greater gift than for us to see ourselves the way he does. Through faith & prayer I believe all things are possible.". The things she writes are so beautiful and it's not just the writing, it is the way she lived her life. She truly was an angel here on earth who lifted and healed the hearts, especially those who were in need of lifting & healing.
I have thought about how I want to continue to keep her message & legacy alive and I felt inspired to use my consultant businesses as joint businesses with my sister. Every person that places an order will receive a letter from me with an uplifting message about my sister, a picture of her, and a smiley face pin.
My sister-in-law Holly deserves some of the credit for this vision. We were talking on the phone last week and she is aware of the huge burden of debt our family of 8 took on when we had to fly to Utah for Lori's funeral. I had been doing fundraising with my businesses to help pay off the debt. She offered to send some money instead of purchasing something and I told her I would want her to have something to show for the help she offered. She said she would purchase something and would think of Lori every time she wore it. I immediately thought of how beautiful it would be to have Lori's message continue through these businesses.
As my only sister she was my biggest fan of Scentsy & Thirty-One gifts. I signed up for Grace Adele to help with my fundraising efforts and fell in love with the bags & jewelry. All of it reminds me of Lori. I ordered myself my own orange purse to remind myself of my bright sunshine sister.
All the proceeds will go into a fund to be used for Jaden's travel to see his mom's resting site in Utah, and anything else Jaden needs. He is 15 years old and is planning on serving a 2-year mission when he turns 18.
Also, if anyone needs help raising funds, I am happy to host fundraisers and donate a portion of the proceeds to your benefit. I have done this a number of times & it feels really good to give back.
Thank you to all those who have helped already. It really has helped relieve our burden. I wish I could work at the hospital more than I am now, but my emotions are too close to the surface and I end of crying a few times during my 12 hr shifts, so this has been a huge help to have these side businesses.
My websites are:
Friday, January 25, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Over the last couple of days I have recalled things I love about my mom. One of the many things I loved about her is that she was not afraid to talk to strangers. I remember the first time she came to visit us in Florida she walked up with an older couple she had met on the plane. The first thing she said to us was that she had invited the couple over to our house for dinner that night. Shawn and Kelly were relieved to hear the couple had turned down the invitation. I could go on and on about things I loved about my mom but the thing I loved the most is the sacrifices she went through so that I could and can live a better life. In John 15:13 it portrays the kind of love my mom had for me. The Savior said “Greater love hath no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends.” To fit this scripture perfectly with my mom in my life it would read, “greater love hath no woman than this that a woman lay down her life for her son.” An early example of this was when she allowed me to go live with Shawn and Kelly. She knew at that time in her life she wasn’t ready to raise me and provide everything she wanted me to have, so I could and can live my life to its fullest potential. I know from conversations with my mom that that was a challenging thing to do but she willingly did it, hoping that it would give me a brighter future. Seven years ago, she would also sacrifice her life in Utah with the family, friends, and mountains that she loved so much to move to Texas where I had recently moved. She did this so that she could be there and be a second mother figure in my life. And when she felt like just being there by me wasn’t good enough, she again laid her life down and went back to school to earn her RN and provide more for me as much as the circumstances would allow. Going back my personalized version of John 15:13 “greater love hath no woman than this that a woman lay down her life for her son.” I know that by going through all these sacrifices she truly loves me just as Christ loves me. I know that she is up above watching over me. And is finally able to do what she has always wanted to do which is to be with me all the time and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
3 years ago Lori could carry him.
2 years later she was shocked to learn he could carry her.