Thursday, August 22, 2013

Quest To Be Like Her

Last month Shawn & I went back to Texas for a friends mission farewell & to bring some of Lori's things back to Florida for Jaden. We stayed at Lori & Brandon's home. It was surreal being in her home. Everywhere I looked were pieces of her. It was as if she never left. We got in Thursday night and come Friday morning I was an emotional wreck & couldn't bring myself to start going through her things. I decided to go visit my friend Cori & her new baby instead. Saturday morning came & I looked out the window and the first thing I saw was her car parked right next to Brandon's. I was overcome with emotion as I felt like she should be here. I felt overwhelmed with the things I needed to do that day & how hard it would be. The next thing I saw was the brightest, most beautiful sun peeking out from the clouds. I knew Lori was trying to shine the light through the darkness that I felt. I immediately felt comforted & knew I would make it through the day. One of the first boxes I opened was full of books from nursing school. I took a binder out & it had stickers on it with various sayings. "Live laugh love & be happy" "giggle" "laugh everyday" "smile" "sing your song in your own special way". I couldn't help but smile as I knew that Lori was talking to me & saying these things to me. It helped me to get through that day. Brandon & Shawn worked alongside me & we reminisced about Lori & all the funny things she did. We couldn't believe all the clothes she had. We joked that the 80's & 90's wanted their clothes back. She saved everything. I am so grateful for all the things she saved. I found precious drawings she kept from Jaden & my kids. She kept every card, letter, & note anyone gave her. It was so neat to feel of the absolute love she had for her son. The journals she kept testify of her love for him.

I can't put into words to describe how amazing I felt that day. I felt her with me every step of the way.
I felt so touched by cards given to her by others, especially her patients she took care of. She had an amazing capacity to love & care for others as if they were the only person on earth. Her earning the reputation as the "sunshine girl" is no accident. She radiated the love & light of Christ. I love reading from her well worn scriptures. She loved them so much. I feel closest to her when I read those, and read cards she has written to me & others in my family. Nothing compares to the words she writes about Jaden....he was her pride & joy. Her love for him was so vast & pure. She never left any word unsaid.

I am so grateful for her example. I am keeping a journal now. I am writing notes to my kids just because. I am trying so hard to live each day as if it were my last & letting those I love know just how much they mean to me. When I work at the hospital I feel her with me. Sometimes I can't help myself & I will hug my patients. That is something Lori always did & I never did. Now sometimes when I hug them it is like, "whoa! where did that come from?", and instantly I feel Lori with me & I love it. Her spirit is so strong. I am grateful for her example. I hope to be more like her. This world needs more like her.