Sunday, November 17, 2013

Being Grateful

This past week has been a particularly emotional one. 1 year ago today Lori left back to Texas after spending a week with me. It was her second time visiting. I looked forward to our 1 week visits every 6 weeks. It made living so far from her bearable. I have thought about that visit so many times. It was so different from her visit in September. In September she was so happy & so full of life. I'm sure it had so much to do with seeing us for the first time after 6 weeks apart. Her November visit was much different. She was tired, more like exhausted. I worried about her and asked her to see a doctor. Like most nurses, you tend to take care of everyone and everything else, and you are the last one to get help. Lori's heart was failing her. I can see so clearly now. I have thought so much about all the things I could have done, and all the things I should have done if only I knew everything I know now. It has eaten at me & I have shed more tears than I have thought possible.

A few months back I had a complete breakdown. I locked myself in my bathroom, went in my closet & gathered an armful of Lori's clothing & bawled like a baby while I hugged them & fell asleep. While I slept Lori came to me in my dream. I saw her as clear as day. She was radiant, happy, glowing. In my dream I thought she was alive. I looked at her & said, "how could you leave us? How could you put us through the funeral & here you are alive?", (in my dream I thought she was still here), & she said to me, "I couldn't get better here.".  She hugged me & held me & when I woke up I was comforted by the dream & knew I had to be grateful she was better.

I don't think anyone saw this coming. Lori was so full of life. The most loving, giving, and generous person you would ever meet. Lori lived her life in the service of others. She loved her patients as if they were her own family. I can't even count all the cards & letters she has received from patients & their family members she cared for. Several coworkers have said she was by far the best nurse at the hospital.

I will forever be grateful for the example she is to me. She left some huge shoes to fill & I can only hope & pray to try to fill a fraction of them. I am grateful my Heavenly Father blessed me with her as my sister for 36 years in this life & eternity in Heaven. I am grateful she helped raise my kids as a daily part of my life from the time her beloved son Jaden came to live with us in March 2000.

I am grateful for the lives Lori touched in her 36 years on this earth. For those that knew her, she will never be forgotten & through this blog, I hope & pray that those who read it will get to know her and be blessed by the beautiful angel on earth that she was. I am not surprised Heaven needed her.

I love you Lori. You will forever & always be my hero.

Love,

Your sister Kelly